Sunday, March 30, 2014

a journal excerpt

Admittedly, after typing it up I realized that the tone of my private thoughts are a little different from my public ones. I believe this stems from vulnerability. In any case, however, this idea has been weighing on my soul for the past two weeks and the past few sermons (on Revelation 3:14-22 and Revelation 4) have helped crystalize my thoughts. The sermons are available through the church website and can be downloaded through iTunes for free. If you haven't heard them already, I strongly recommend that you do.


"We consider the fact of God's holiness... and yet when discussing sadness or hardship I use language like 'but then God blessed / graced / granted mercy to us with...' when there is a turn, something that moves from sadness to happiness, i.e. 'the good'. God's blessings are not restricted to something that I, in my imperfection and unholiness, see as 'good', as God's blessings can also come through what I might traditionally label as 'the bad'. I am sick, I am miserable almost constantly...and yet, through the circumstances of the past two weeks, I know I am blessed. I am confident of this. 


My prayer is this: that my life would be useful; that I would be either hot or cold water; that His perfect, holy plan would be realized through healthiness (and that I would be joyful if He chooses to realize it through continued illness). The sickness in me is fruit of the curse, but the fact that it can be used to the praise of His glory is the fruit of Grace and it is a blessing. The earth and my earthly body therein has been made imperfect through sin, but God is not only perfect, He has not been made. Unlike my own thoughts, which change and develop each day, His perfection and wisdom exist out of the corruption of time---to that I can and must and will submit, every insignificant day. In this I find my significance: worship through beautiful submission.  Regardless of whether I am ill or well, I pray that each day I would be humble in submitting to His will and cast my crown at His feet, over and over. This crown has been given to me by Him by His grace, bought for me by His mercy, brought to me by His love. How can I have anything by confidence in His providence and perfect purpose and pure intention through the course of each day. To that I submit; to that holy God I submit my prayers." 

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone 
And live so all might see 
The strength to follow Your commands 
Could never come from me 
Oh Father, use my ransomed life 
In any way You choose 
And let my song forever be 
My only boast is You

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ

All I Have Is Christ, from Sovereign Grace

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